Still Pining for...

(this is my most personal entry YET)

Why are half of girls' miseries related to guys?! They are so not worth it! Huh, who am I kidding? No matter how much I "hate" guys, they still make the world go round. Sabi nga din, even if loving is sometimes painful, loving someone is still the simplest reason why we smile.

Sigh, why am I this "cynical"? Just look at me! I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship EVER! And I keep on falling for the wrong guys - they're either assholes or just not interested in me. Sigh.

I know that being boyfiend-less is no cause to be sad. But I can't help it...especially now that I'm in love. Ha...ironic, isn't it? I've never felt this way before. I mean, I have been in love before but not in this way. I think about him everytime, I dream about him, I pray for his happiness even if his happiness does not include me (ha! how Bruce Almighty!). And I used to not believe in marriage, but if it's going to be with him, I'm so willing. Aaargh...soooo mushy!!! Sigh. It just makes me sad because I know that he'll never see me in the same light. But I don't blame him for my misery. I'd be lying if I say taht I don't pray and hope taht he'd feel the same way for me. I do. But I also pray that if he can't be happy with me, if his being with me will just make him miserable, then I'm going to accept the fact that we can never be. My only relief is that at least I got to know him. And I got know pure (?) love through him. Even with my heartache, I still thank God for him. I feel so blessed because only he can make me feel so happy. And every smile he gives me is worth the sadness that I feel. After all, I'm making my own misery. He never intended for me to be unhappy. Waah...mush, mush!!!

Oh well. I still believe mine prince is still out there. God is still making him perfect for me. And God is also making me the perfect princess for him. I'll just be waiting. In the words of my friend's text message: It's not sa bad being single. Kainis lang minsan.

Oh God! Let me stop now...I heard that too much mush can kill.


***I actually wrote this entry in my written journal last April 9. But everything that's written in here are still true up to now. Sigh. I really miss Hallel. Shit...I fell hard for the guy. 'Tis sad that he will never know...