FINALLY...I am Back!!!

Long hiatus from the blogging world.

Gawd...I can't believe how much I missed my blog! Been wanting to change the skin. This one is just so...sad. And so, passe. I'm not feeling *depressed* anymore. Aargh...it's so mushy. Mushy! But alas, I still haven't got time to update skin. But I'm sooo itching to post a new entry.

Anyways, updates...

@ @ @ @

Office matters. I'm quitting my job by December 30. For a lot of reasons. The biggest of which is the fact that I'm totally bored with it already. I feel that I'm d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g. myself everytime I have to go to work. Gone are the days when I wake up and go, "Hey! Another work day! Aja!!!" Now I'm just, "Work? Again?! NOOOO!!!" And I don't feel good about it. Because it's not just the boredom. It's also because I started to question why I have to work. And the only answer I can come up with is, "Because of the money." But money is not all that counts in a job. I keep on looking for the *purpose* of why I have to slave over them f-cking customers. At the end of the day, I feel drained. And I long the sense of feeling fulfilled everytime I rest my tired eyes to sleep. And thus, the decision to resign...

But believe me, it was easy. For my part. But everytime I think of my sister and my brother and my mom and the expenses that lie ahead, I feel my resolve crumbling to pieces. But I have to do this for myself. I don't want to get caught up in a situation where I always feel that I'm in the losing end. Because if I don't leave the job now, I know I'll regret it in the future.

Besides, I've decided that it's high time to finish my thesis...

@ @ @ @

Yes, thesis. I've finally realized that hey...KAILANGAN TAPUSIN KO NA ANG THESIS KO!!! Good for me...pat in the back. Haha!

When I started to go solo for the thesis I had Eminem in my mind as the topic for my college research. Creation of an idol. That was how I wanted to attack it. But somehow, the idea was floating. I was never sure of when and where to start the study.

But now I've decided on a topic. A topic also dear to my heart. And a topic I was deadset on pinning for my thesis. Korean dramas. Haha! I'll keep mum about this muna. I don't wanna jinx it. Wish me luck!

@ @ @ @

Speaking of Koreans. I got hired as an English teacher for Koreans last week. I submitted my resume and toom the long yet easy (puwera pagyayabang!) exam last November 16. Then I was scheduled for interview last November 21. They accepted me right then and there! I was pleased becase (caution: major gloating coming ahead) the Korean bosses told me that they only accept college graduates but they made an axception for me...I was, as they put it, a "special cse" because I got the highest score among the new hires. ANd so I started training the next day - deadset on keeping two jobs for the next month.

But I failed.

Because on the second day of training, I was informed that I needed to cover 8a.m. to 12nn classes...which will totally clash with my call center work. And I can't just quit the call center. I had to render a 30-day notice. Bummer! I really wanted the job. Not needed. Wanted. And I was so sad to have to give it up. But I'll be back once my thesis is complete.

Sigh.

@ @ @ @

"It's called CLOSURE. That's what I'm looking for with him. It's hard when you've considered someone as special. Then one day you realize, he doesn't want you in his life anymore. And no matter what you do he's never gonna let you in again. And you can't help but wonder, 'Why?' And you can't move on, no matter how hard you try...because that question always, ALWAYS, pulls you back."

A text message to a friend at around 3p.m., November 25. It was nothing. Just a thought trigerred by an irrational longing for Charles. yes...Charles. It's just that recently, I seem to be missing him more and more. And I know that I'm wandering a one-way street yet again.

And maybe it's not him. Maybe it's that occasional need to feel loved.

I need to be loved.

@ @ @ @

Anyway, let's leave the drama behind and go to that fun event that happened which was, ironically, brought about by that super-senti text message.

Finally managed to meet up with Mae Anne for coffee. Starbucks ABS-CBN, same day, 8p.m. Naknam----! Nagpi-pink na si Marie Ann! Haha! I missed that girl. Everything - yes, including the nonsensical irrational though regarding Charles - makes sense when I talk to her. It's like - borrowing a line from Abi Aquino's Drama Queen - I was reading a book in hte dark then she walks in, turns on the light, and I realize, "Hey, why didn't I think of that?" Hay naku Marie Ann...hindi ka na puwede mawala sa buhay ko! *** charing ***

Also, we got to discuss our plans of setting-up our own business in the future: we're going to be wedding planners! We're both excited. We've had this dream since last year. And I can't wait. Research, research...I'll keep my lips sealed muna about the business' hook. Somebody just might steal it. Haha!

@ @ @ @

BTW, speaking of missing friends...I miss Val! So much! Realized this on the same night I met with Mae Anne...Val joined us at around 10p.m. As I've told Mae Anne, I love Val so much because she's so damn mature, and composed. When she gives me an advice, I just have to believe her! Hehe!

So Val, when our next 'one beer'? =p

@ @ @ @

Going to another chika...

I have this huge crush on an officemate. I had a crush on him fo err, 6months? But it was just frou-frou. But I think I'm starting to really like him. But...uhm...

'Nuff said.

I AM IN LOVE!!!

***I have started this entry last September29...and I just felt the biggest urge to finish this today. I am so broken-hearted. And I feel so damn guilty for feeling so...why? Because the guy is so not worth it. So I just wanted to feel the same way I did when I wrote this entry. and hopefully, by the end of the entry, I'd be happy.

Mu-hyeok. That's his name.

I've been hooked to Sorry, I Love You this past week. And yesterday I was watching Episode 3 in the midst of extreme (as in extreme!) kakiligan. And then watching Mu-hyeok (portrayed by Korean actor So Ji-sup) look so lovingly at Eun-chae (Im Su-jeong), I just can't help but blurt out "I'm in love!!!" Mu-hyeok is the second coming of Dao Ming Xu - only, Mu-hyeok is better.

"My" Mu-hyeok has been abandoned since birth. He vowed to better his life because he wanted to get back to his mother and offer her the life she was not able to provide her kids. He so loved his mom. He never felt abandoned. Instead, his motto was "She had her reasons." He never took his adoption against his mom. And this proves how pure my Mu-hyeaok's heart is. But I admit, he is tough. Rough. Living in the streets did that to him. But underneath that rocky surface is a heart pure of gold.

And Mu-hyeok's love is real. And ideal. And very self-sacrificing. Being the girl that I am, I want to be treated a princess. I want to feel that in the love 'race', my other half should love me more. And that's exactly how Mu-hyeok treated Eun-chae. And all the time I was watching the series, I just felt like I was Eun-chae and that Mu-hyeok was gazing at me lovingly. Hehe...yes, I'm going crazy. Well, you should meet Mu-hyeok and you'll know how I feel.

Sigh. I have just finished the series yesterday and I just can't help but think: I'll someday meet somebody like Mu-hyeok.

***I'm happy na. =)

I Am One Big EMOTIONAL WRECK

For two weeks, I've been starting my week in an emotional breakdown. Read: I go to work perky and ready to face whatever challenges the day has to offer; but when I sit down in my station I feel a heavy weight descend down my shoulders and then I start to cry. Not even the pa-shy iyak na nobody will dare notice. It's the iyak na tipo bang parang lahat ng problema sa mundo ay pasan ko na. The woes I've been crying about are not exactly new. They are the same problems I've been bantering about for the past, err, 6years?! But just these past two weeks, whenever these problems cross my mind I feel a major pain and a major urge to purge emotions.

*Sigh* It must be the time of the year...birthday's coming up and I've come to assess my life - and frankly, I don't like what I'm seeing.

*Another sigh*

Ten Blessings

My friend has this small box that say "Have A Wonderful Life"...it contains cards that lets you do one thing to make life worthwhile. I picked out a card today and it said: 'Make a list of TEN blessings you got today. Having an attitude of gratitude is one of the best ways to shoo a bad day away. It reminds us to keep our eyes ever open to the many gifts God continually gives to us!'

And I believe in what the li'l card says. And so to make the day better and brighter, here is my Ten Blessings for the Day:

1] The morning. God woke me up this day and gave me another opportunity to live life.

2] The rain. Not all people might appreciate the water drops from heaven - but I do. And other God's creatures also do. The rain is sustenance. It's refreshing to the mind and to the soul And for that, I consider the rain a blessing.

3] My job. I've been here for almost 3months now. And everyday I'm just thankful that I have the job. It may not be my dream job, but hey, as long as it keeps food on the table I can't complain.

4] Lucky Me! Sotanghon meal. I got drunk yesterday and there was no food in my system. And when I got home I didn't take anything that will keep my stomach warm. And so I woke up with a really terrible feeling. Thank goodness for the hot sotanghon meal...I'm now back to my giddy self.

5] The office water dispenser. It gave my sotanghon the heated water to cook it. It gives me constant relief when my throat just seems so dry already. And mostly because it's free! Hehe!

6] Josh Hartnett. His picture...the one posted on my station. Without it I can go crazy! It makes me sane, it makes me smile...*sigh*

7] "Almost Married " book by Tara FT Sering. Keeps me occupied when there's nothing to do at work.

8] My cellphone. Keeps me connected with my oh-so-wonderful friends.

9] My mom and my sister. They make me feel loved. Just this morning, when I woke up, I found by my bedside a letter from my sister. And my mom went with me to work because she knows it's dangerous. *Sigh* They love me!

10] And lastly, my friend's "Wonderful Life" box...it steered me on a happy path this day!!! =)

"Here Tonight" by Hale

Pasintabi po sa Hale kung hihiramin ko ang kanta nila. I listened to their CD last night and this one particular song had a sad riff to it. And the lyrics were just amazing...they suit my present mood just fine. Read the lyrics and I'll explain later...

Here Tonight

Hale

So long to you my love

Don't be afraid to run away

I know you'll be okay

Just take your time to find

But I need you here tonight

I need you here inside

I need you here tonight

I really, really need you here tonight

Made up my mind on this

Too late for me to hold you back

Maybe too short or dumb

To cry for you but I will anyway

But I need you here tonight
I need you here inside
I need you here tonight
I really, really need you here tonight

It's all my fault

To feel this way for you that day

I know I am and I will

Though it's wrong, so wrong

Cause I need you here tonight

I need you here inside

I need you here tonight

I really, really need you here

I need you, I need you

I need you here inside

I need you, I need you

I really, really need you here

When I wrote the entry, ''Advice ni Hailie Para Kay Karen'', I have already made up my mind that Charles was but a part of the past. The part that I will never go back to...unless, as you can clearly read on the entry, I have successfully removed every bit of "love" I have for him. And I thought I have done my best to steer clear from his way...as clearly, I still have feelings for him. Until yesterday.

No, I'm not blaming Hale. But when I just heard the song Broken Sonnet all my defenses just broke down. I just felt the urge to text him and tell him "Ei kumusta na?" Broken Sonnet was my song for Charles way back in May. And it just pained me to hear the song on repeat (yeah, stupid me pushed the repeat button on the CD rack). So when I finally came to my senses and decided that it's time to let the Hale CD move on, I chanced upon track6 "Here Tonight". And I just broke into pieces...it just pained me to hear a song that talks of my emotions to the cut. Sigh...I badly need to move on...

Try This!

You might be wondering, "What the heck are these pictures for?!" Actually, these pictures are results from Analogia. You should try it...it's fun. you post your picture and in minutes it gives you three celebrity-lookalikes (or that's what it says). It's fun knowing that I look like Uma Thurman...Hollywood look out - here comes Karen. Haha!

Tried the site again with a different picture. Check it out:

Hmm...Halle Berry, Heather Graham, and Linda Evangelista. Not bad. Hehe! =p

The Goblet of Fire

Lookee! The poster for the 4th installment of the Harry Potter movies. I can't wait to see the movie! Hmm...wonder when it's coming out? I'm so excited! =)

*Don't you all think Victor Krum's a hottie? ;p

...a word of advice...

***Got this from a friend's site. It's so nice...and so true. Read on...

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.

Stop trying to change yourselves for a relationship that's not meant to be.

Slower is better.

Never live your life for a man before you find out what makes you truly happy.

If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no,
you can't "be friends".

A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.

If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.

Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.

The only person you can control in a relationship is you.

Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant.
Why would he treat you any differently?

Always have your own set of friends separate from his.

Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.

Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.

You cannot change a man's behavior.
Change comes from within.

Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...
even if he has more education or a better job.

Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.

Never let a man define who you are.

Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.

A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.

All men are NOT dogs.

You should not be the one doing all the bending...
compromise is a two way street.

You need time to heal between relationships...
there is nothing cute about baggage...
deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.

You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
look for someone complimentary...not supplementary.

Dating is fun...even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.

Make him miss you sometimes...
when a man always knows where you are,
and you're always readily available to him- he takes it for granted.

Never move into his mother's house. Never co-sign for a man.

Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you need.

Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

Share this with other ladies..... You'll make someone smile,
another rethinks her choices, and another woman prepare.
They say it takes a minute to find a special person,
an hour to appreciate them, a day to love them
and an entire lifetime to forget them.

Now A Word From Kate =)

I don't know why, but my friends keep on visting my Friendster blog. One of my best friends, Kate, has posted this comment to my first blog entry (which, by the way, is also the first entry on this blog):

hey girl... how could you even say that you're unlovable?! That's so not true... I should know, you're my girl! hehehe...

Honey, I know the feeling. But I believe that there's someone out there who'd die to be in the place of your object'd'affeccione... :) he's probably thinking that you won't notice him dahil nga ka-diyosahan ka! hehe.. but look around, there are lots of people in this world just dying to be with you... and you, at this point in your life, you're just too lonely to notice... kaya keep smiling..

cos i believe there's someone out there hopelessly addicted to your smile..

Love you, friend. :)

========

Thank God for friends! =)

This one's from Jo =)

If you have read Jo's post in my tagboard, it says that she has posted her comments on my old blog. The comment was so mushy...I loved it! Haha. So for everyone's viewing "pleasure", here was what she posted in my old blog Hailie's Jaded in Friendster:

Awww, your posts bring out my mushy side.

i SO know the feeling :( ANg hirap. Especially when the guy you like prefers damsels in distress, or is intimidted by you...or, worst case scenario, he's gay.

Ang hirap when you look up to this person you want to be like, this person you find so interesting... and he looks down on you and doesn't think you're interesting enough to get to know better or something.

Anyway, share ko lang 'to... One of my favorite lines in While You Were Sleeping (Lucy talking to the guy in a coma; i love her acting at this particular scene, it's so...erm, honest?) goes like this: "Or have you ever, like, seen somebody and you knew that if only that person reeeeeaaaaaaally knew you, they would... Well, they would, of course, dump the perfect model that they were with and, and realize that you were the one that they wanted to just grow old with."

It's okay to cry at those movies you mentioned, ako nga e, I cried nga sa Ella Enchanted! Hahaha. Lalang, na-touch lang ako I guess. There was this song that I liked (from that movie). Maybe you're familiar with it.

Somebody to Love

sung by Anne Hathaway

Can anybody find be somebody to love?

Each morning I get up I die a little

Can't barely stand on my feet.

Take a look in the mirror

Lord, what you're doing to me.

I've spent all my years believing in you, but I just can't get no relief.

Won't somebody, somebody, can anybody find me, somebody to love.

Got no feel I got no rhythm

I just keep losing my beat

I'm okay I'm alright

It shows that there's no defeat

I just gotta get out of this prison cell

One day I'm gonna be free

Lord somebody

Somebody

Can anybody find me somebody to love

(She works hard) Everyday

I try and I try and I try

But everybody wants to put me down

They say I'm going crazy

They say I got a lot of wonder in my brain

Got no common sense

I've got nobody left to believe

(Find her somebody to love x6)

(Can anybody find me)

Somebody To Love

(Find me somebody to love x5)

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Aww...I'm so going into mushy mode right now. Sigh...

A Piece on John Cena

Little known fact about me (mostly because I don't look the part): I love watching WWE. And I've been bummed out this past month because I have not really been able to watch either RAW or Smackdown. And I have been missing my (future) boyfriend John Cena. Yeah, yeah, I've been following the action on WWE's online site, but action as seen on TV has a particular charm that action captured on paper can never acquire. Especially if you're talking about WWE action.

Having mentioned John Cena let us
all talk about him. As all entertainment wrestling fans know, John Cena bagged the WWE championship from John Bradshaw Leyfield (JBL) in the biggest WWE pay-per-view show Wrestlemania. Cena even proved that he's a worthy champion when he forced JBL to utter the words "I quit" in Smackdown's Judgment Day. He is doing so well in his career. And WWE fans everywhere are rejoicing in his success. Me included, of course. That's why when I knew that John Cena was being drafted to WWE's carrier program RAW, I became sad. It's not that RAW is an awful program; no, that's not it - actually, I love RAW. It's just that...

John Cena is one of the most popular wrestlers in WWE. And also one of the ablest. And his ability, in my opinion, is the main reason why he's doing so well in his chosen career. But as we all know, talent is not enough to uphold a "showbiz" career. Showbusiness (and let's admit it, WWE is showbiz) is a really rocky 'profession'. Today people love you, yet tomorrow they may hate you. It's okay if they hate you in a nice way (re: they just love the way you become so mean); but if they hate you in the sense that they don't EVER wanna see you again, then you're dead. In John Cena's case, he is popular today; but what about tomorrow? Being in Smackdown actually worked to John Cena's advantage. His stint on the show made him a big fish in a small pond. And we all know that it's really easy to shine in a small industry (small at least in comparison to the admittedly more popular RAW). And here's where my fears begin...what if the talented John Cena gets lost in RAW's sea of bigger (and possibly more popular) fishes? Sayang.

But tonight, as I was watching Cena's debut appearance in RAW, my fears were eased. In my concern for the Doctor of Thuganomics' budding career, I forgot one important aspect of Cena's character that contributed greatly to his popularity. John Cena is not just WWE Champion; he is a people's champion. All of the WWE belts Cena has acquired, he's offered to his fans. And this urged fans to form a group called the Chain Gang. And everywhere he went - yes, thankfully even in RAW - fans just chants his name. You can just feel the love.

And, thus, I think...there's no need for me to worry at all about Cena...he will do great (as always).

...mushy survey...

1. Do you believe in soulmates?
***Yes. Let me quote: "I've always believed in the reality of soulmates. Eversince a friend told me that men and women are angels with only one wing sent out to the world to find for teh other angel who will complete their wing and will allow them to fly to the heavens again, I got hooked on the idea. And that was way back when I was 12. Now that I'm 21, I still haven't let go.But think. Isn't it wonderful to know that somewhere out there, there exists someone who is 'perfect' enough to make you (almost) perpetually happy? I may not be too crazy about the concept that my soulmate will complete me, but I am crazy about the concept that my soulmate will make me feel as if I'm floating in high heavens. And if I have to stumble upon a couple of devils pretending to be my angel just to be able to achieve that feeling, I don't mind. At all."

2. Why is it hard to let go of someone you love?
***Because in loving that someone, you have allowed him/her to share your life. And you have allowed yourself to share his/her life. And just with anything and anyone who's been a part of your life, it is but natural to have a hard time letting go.

3. Why is it hard to hold on to the one you love?
***Because sad to say, even if it's so easy to decide who to love, it's not as easy to make your loved one love you back. We're all created with our own decisions...and the one we love makes his/her own decisions. We can't force them to hold on to us.

4. Why do men cry after a break-up?
***Emotions. Don't we all have that?!

5. Who will you choose: the man/or woman who is the center of your world or the man/woman who gave the world to you?
***Neither. I believe that there will come a time when it all will come together. I'll meet the guy who is the center of my world, and he will give the world to me.

6. Are you good at hiding ur emotions?
***Not really. Actually, hinting what I feel , for me, is the quickest way to solve any problem.

7. Why do we need to love?
***Because at the center of our being is the heart, whose main purpose is to love.

8. Being single or being taken?
***Being happy.

9. What's so nice in being single?
***Your time is your own. You don't have to worry much about commitment entanglements.

10. Why do you think people find it hard to tell the one they love that they love them?
***Speaking from a girl's perspective, no matter how much we say that we are currently living in a liberal world where it's okay for a girl to own up to her feelings, we still have standards. And it's still not okay for us girls to be the ones to reveal our feelings first. And even if it's okay, there's always the looming fear of rejection. And we all hate that feeling. So we'd rather keep our feelings to ourselves than be rejected.

11. Hardest thing a person can do?
***Hope when hope is no longer possible.

12. What do u think is the most painful thing the person you love can do?
***Give you a silent treatment for days/weeks. Para bang nanghuhula ka kung anong problema. Then suddenly he'd text or call you, "Bakit hinid mo ako pinapansin?" Huh!!!

13. How should people cope with a breakup/heartache?
***Eat chocolate while writing about the heartache. Then talk to the one true frind you have, God, then everything will be fine.

14. Describe love in one word?
***Bliss.

15. How do you spend a day with a love one?
***Talk as if there's no tomorrow. Laugh as if it's going to be the last day of our lives. And eat as if it's going to be our last meal.

16. Are you the type of person who expects too much from someone?
***I expect too much from a friend. But not from a lover. They always disappoint you when you expect too much.

17. Do you believe that love never dies?
***True love always remain in the heart.

18. Is it normal not to be jealous?
***No.

19. Do you believe in courtship?
***No. It's just a i lie. Guys tend to put up a front. And when you're in a relationship already, you suddenly realize that the guy you knew in courtship is very different from the guy you now know.

20. How about a long-distance relationship?
***Never works. We get to meet a lot of people and we can't help but be more attracted to the person immediately beside you.

21. Do you believe in a long engagement?
***Very much. I mean, marriage is such a big word. It's such a big decision. And if you rush into it, marami kang pagsisisihan.

22. You cannot appreciate the rose w/o accepting the thorns to love?
***I believe that. Not everything is perfect. And you have to take everything in stride - all the good, all the bad.

23.Why do you think it's hard for people to accept the past and move on?
***Because the past is part and parcel of who we are. And it's hard to forget about a piece of what completes us.

24. Why is it hard to put their trust back to love again?
***The bliss of loving was not enough to cover the bitterness of hurt.

25. Is love a choice or destiny?
***We choose to be with our destiny.

Advice ni Hailie para kay Karen

Alam mo na dapat sumigaw ka ng pagkalakas-lakas na "Oi! Oi! Oi!!!" tapos kinampay-kampay ang mga kamay mo, para sigurado kang hard to miss. O kaya dapat nagkunwari kang natisod sa mismong harapan niya, ewan na lang kung hindi ka pa niya mapansin. At alam mo din na may option namang pa-demure...dapat tinawag mo na lang siya, "Charles". Siguro naman napatingin na siya nun.

Alam mo... Dapat... Dapat... Alam mo...

Kaso, hindi mo ginawa ang alam mong dapat ginawa mo. Instead, tumigil ka sa kalagitnaan ng super busy Manila City Hall. Tumulala. At bumulong, as in bulong, "Hailie..."

Halos apat na buwan mo nang binubulong ang pangalang Charles tuwing gusto mong ngumiti. Gusto mo mag-emote. Gusto mo magpaka-senti. Gusto mo magpaka-mushy. Gusto mo magmukhang tanga with your gooey eyes. Apat na buwan. Pero sa isang hapon na kaharap mo siya at kailangang ibulong ang pangalan niya, natameme ka. Ang labo.

Sabi nila hindi masakit magmahal. Tao ang nananakit. I second the motion. The moment of loving is a moment of bliss. You feel like everything is right. Everything can never go wrong. Until He (oo, si God) steps in and slaps you in the face na para bang sinasabi "Iha, gumising ka na. Ito...tingnan mo siyang mabuti." And yesterday was God's way of telling you na matagal ka nang hibang. Panahon na namang pumasok sa rehab.

Mahirap ang buhay sa rehab. Pagkatapos mong malulong sa isang bagay na nagbigay sa'yo ng sobrang kaligayahan, dadaan ka sa masakit na proseso ng withdrawal. Kung noon walang isip-isip mong kinukuha ang cellphone para mag-ubos ng load sa isang taong wala nang ginawa kundi ang paikutin ang ulo mo sa mga katarantaduhan niyang text, text na pinagpipilitan mong sincere pero deep inside alam mong hindi, ngayon ay kailangang ilayo mo na ang cellphone mo tuwing makadarama ka ng itch to sweet text him at kumbinsihin ang sariling "May mas mabuti pang bagay na mapupuntaha ang piso ko." Kung noon eh ang mga linya niya sa sulat na Nagpapasalamat ako sa Diyos at nakilala kita. Isa ka kasi sa mga taong nagpapaligaya sa akin. Bihira 'yun. ay nagdudulot ng matinding kakiligan sa'yo at ng mas matinding katangahan, ngayon ay unti-unti mo nang nilalagay sa pinakailalm ng balon ang mga sulat niyang pilit mo na dapat kinakalimutan ngayon. At kung dati ay nangingiti kang parang baliw tuwing maiisip mo ang panahong tumambay kayo sa Sunken Garden ng limang oras, limang oras na tambay sa ilalim ng big blue sky na noon ay nagpre-pretend ka pang puno ng cute little shiny stars pero ngayon ay aminado ka nang walang kalatoy-latoy ng gabing iyon, limang oras na tambay na wala naman talaga kayong ginawa kundi ang...tumambay ('yun lang), ngayon ay napapangiwi ka na at the thought of it. And how you now regret the fact that you detailed that night thoroughly in your beloved written journal. Come to think of it, mahaba 'yung entry na 'yun. Pero ang gist: Oi, tumambay kami sa Sunken for 5 hours. Nothing more, nothing less. And now you can't imagine why you were so kilig. Okay, you can imagine...pero sising-sisi ka na ngayon. And the extreme mushy person in you posted his picture as your background sa Windows, sa IM, sa kung anik-anik. You even tied his name with yours para sa lahat ng password mo...as in lahat. Password sa computer: KhayCharles18. Password sa work tool: KhayCharles18!. Password sa work email address: khaycharles18. Basta, lahat. Kaya ngayon, isa lang ibig sabihin niyan. Bilang therapy sa isang bagong pasok sa rehab na katulad mo, ito na ang tamang panahon para palitan ang wallpaper mo. Para palitan ang IM background mo. Para palitan ang mga password mo. At oo. Burahin mo na 'yung special folder sa cellphone mo na ang laman lang ay ang mga nonsensical niyang text messages. OO!!! Sa madaling salita, lahat ng tungkol sa kanya, kalimutan mo na muna. "Kalimutan mo na muna" kasi hindi naman ibig sabihin na nasaktan ka, na-addict ka sa isang bagay na walang kakuwenta-kuwenta, kailangan ka nang maging recluse sa konsepto ng pag-ibig for life. Hindi. Kaya ka nga nagpa-rehab 'di ba? Ibig sabihin, mend your broken heart and emerge from the experience renewed, refreshed, and ready to love again.

Just think: in this life, oo masaya kung may boyfriend ka. Pero isipin mo na lang, buo ka bago pa siya dumaan sa buhay mo. Kaya don't take too long staying on rehab mode. Sayang ang panahon...there are lots of cute men out there with great personality. And they won't break your heart. And they are just waiting for you, dear princess. So pick up your sorry heart and tell her to straighten her act.

Just follow all of my advices and you'll be okay in a short time.

And oh, another thing: don't ever, ever entertain - even for just a second - the thought, "Baka kapatid niya lang 'yun..."

This morning...

As I stepped out of our house at 3 a.m. to go to work, I looked up at the sky. I scanned its vastness for little stars, little traces of the night. But what welcomed my tired, sleepy eyes was the moon, so big, so bright. It was there, posted in the dark blue sky in its full magnificence. It made me smile. Made me feel that the day ahead is going to be a good one. Made me want to sing...sing this song I so loved when I was a child, a song long forgotten, revived in my memory only yesterday as I was listening to M.Y.M.P.'s CD...

KAILAN

originally by Smokey Mountain

revived by M.Y.M.P.

bakit kaya nangangamba

sa tuwing ika'y nakikita

sana nama'y magpakilala

ilang ulit nang nagkabangga

aklat kong dal'y pinulot mo pa

'di ka pa rin nagpakilala

bawat araw sinusundan

'di ka naman tumitingin

anong aking dapat gawin

bakit kaya umiiwas

binti ko ba'y mayrong gasgas

nais ko nang magpakilala

dito'y mayron sa puso ko

munting puwang laan sa'yo

maari na bang magpakilala

bawat araw sinusundan

'di ka naman tumitingin

anong aking dapat gawin

kailan...kailan mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim

kahit anong aking gawin, 'di mo pinapansin

kailan...kailan hahaplusin ang pusong bitin na bitin

kahit anong gawing lambing, 'di mo pa rin pansin

dito'y mayron sa puso ko
munting puwang laan sa'yo
maari na bang magpakilala

bawat araw sinusundan
'di ka naman tumitingin
anong aking dapat gawin

kailan...kailan mo ba mapapansin ang aking lihim
kahit anong aking gawin, 'di mo pinapansin
kailan...kailan hahaplusin ang pusong bitin na bitin
kahit anong gawing lambing, 'di mo pa rin pansin

...kahit anong aking gawin, 'di mo pinapansin...

Haha...bear with me here, please. I really missed this song (and I really missed the conservative Geneva Cruz in her Pebbles hairstyle). This is one of the few songs that I really loved when I was a child. And I have forgotten about it...but Juris and Chin refreshed my memory. I was so kilg (!) when I heard it play on their CD. Nice! =)

Karen's Icons

Have you noticed that I've never posted a self-composed blog entry lately? I'm gonna do that again today...nyahaha! Too many calls at the call center, creative juices not working...HAHAHA!!!

What Icons are for you? by ladyallie
Username
Favourite Colour
Sex	MaleFemaleYES PLEASE!UndecidedBothNeither
Your Love icon is...
Your Sad Icon is...
Your Happy Icon is...
Your Angry Icon is...
Your Food Icon is...
Your Animal Icon is...
Your Random Icon is...
Your Cartoon Icon is...
Your Sexy Icon is...
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Hmm...where does my beauty lie?

Stumbled upon this quiz online...loved the result! Haha!

Your Beauty lies in Innocence. Pure, sweet and child-like. You most likely look far younger than you are and your smile would brighten up anyone's day. Seen as naive and sheltered, you can be ignorant at times, but for the most part, it's simply your reputation preceding you. You are most likely rather aware of the realities of life. You are extremely good natured and trustworthy. By the same token, you are a bit too trusting. Be careful, few are as honest and open as you. You might seem girlish still with a love of dresses, ponies, and things most might deem you "too old for". But this doesn't bother you. You enjoy your youth and are going to make it last. After all you are only as old as you feel.

Some ThingsThat Represent You:

Element: Light, Wind

Animal: Kitten

Color: White, Pink, Pastels

Song:Beautiful Soul by Jesse McCartney

Expression: Innocent Smile

Gemstone:Diamond

Mythological Creature: Unicorn

Planet:Moon

Quote:

"A stranger is just a friend you haven't met yet."

Where Does Your Beauty Lie? ..::Original Pictures Are Back! Detailed Results::..
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm The Angel of Healing!

Rafael. You're most like the ArchAngel of Healing.
You want people to shape up, and you nag. But
you mean well, and you're well loved despite
it. Or because of it. You bring the donuts
even as you tell people to eat more veggies.

Which ArchAngel are you most like?
brought to you by Quizilla

What if---?

In life, there are full of regrets. We never know what we had till we lose it. And that is why when the opprotunity arises, grab it. Hence...here's a list of situations and my corresponding action if ever they do happen...(and besides, I'm not in the mood to create a "proper" entry...haha!):

__WHAT IF__

1. YOUR CRUSH SUDDENLY ASKS YOU OUT?
** Oh, how I wish!!! And YES, YES, YES!!! Nyahaha!

2. YOU WALK INTO AN ELEVATOR AND SEE A COUPLE MAKING OUT?
** I WON'T WALK INTO THAT ELEVATOR!!!

3. YOUR PARENTS HAD ANOTHER BABY?
** Uh...not in a million years!!!

4. YOU'RE TRAPPED IN A BUILDING ABOUT TO EXPLODE?
** Oh well...there's nothing I can do, can I?

5. YOU WERE GRANTED ONE WISH?
** See my mom happy...truly happy.

6. ALIENS INVADED EARTH?
** Hmm...

7. A GUY SUDDENLY KISSED YOU?
** If he's cute, I'd kiss him back. If he's not, I'll kiss him back na din...kawawa naman eh...THEN I'd hit him on his balls. Nyahaha!

8. YOU WON A DATE WITH YOUR CELEB CRUSH?
** THAT would be nice!!! Eddie, Eddie...!!!

9. YOU WERE GIVEN A BLUE CAR?
** Nice! Sana Space Gear. Nyak, nyak!!!

10. YOUR GIRLFRIEND/BOYFRIEND BREAKS UP WITH YOU?
** I don't beg people to stay. But I do demand for explanations. (read: DEMAND!)

11. YOU WON A MILLION DOLLARS?
** Give half to my mom, then the other half will rest on the bank.

12. SOMEONE GIVES YOU FLOWERS?
** Smile and give my thanks. If it's my crush, I'll kiss him!!! Nyahehe!

13. YOU RECEIVE A LOVE LETTER IN YOUR LOCKER?
** (((isang malalim na buntonghininga!)))

14. YOU FAIL YOUR EXAM?
** Frown and say, "Oh well..."

15. YOU GET FIRST IN CLASS?
** I'll tell my mom!

16. YOU GET FIRED?
** Then the job's not for me...but I hope that NEVER happens!

17. YOUR BEST FRIEND BETRAYS YOU?
** I'll write my friend a letter. Talk things out and see if s/he is really a friend.

18. YOU HAD TO CHOOSE BETWEEN YOUR BOYFRIEND/GIRLFRIEND AND YOUR BEST FRIEND?
** My bestfriend definitely. It's always the friend.

19. MISS YOUR EX?
** Let it pass. Probably write about it in my blog. Nyahaha!

19. YOU WANT TO CALL HER/HIM?
** No. Honestly.

20. WHAT CAN YOU SAY TO THOSE WHO ARE READING THIS RIGHT NOW?
** Sagutan niyo din. Haha! Gandang araw sa'yo. =)

Still Pining for...

(this is my most personal entry YET)

Why are half of girls' miseries related to guys?! They are so not worth it! Huh, who am I kidding? No matter how much I "hate" guys, they still make the world go round. Sabi nga din, even if loving is sometimes painful, loving someone is still the simplest reason why we smile.

Sigh, why am I this "cynical"? Just look at me! I'm 21 years old and I've never been in a serious relationship EVER! And I keep on falling for the wrong guys - they're either assholes or just not interested in me. Sigh.

I know that being boyfiend-less is no cause to be sad. But I can't help it...especially now that I'm in love. Ha...ironic, isn't it? I've never felt this way before. I mean, I have been in love before but not in this way. I think about him everytime, I dream about him, I pray for his happiness even if his happiness does not include me (ha! how Bruce Almighty!). And I used to not believe in marriage, but if it's going to be with him, I'm so willing. Aaargh...soooo mushy!!! Sigh. It just makes me sad because I know that he'll never see me in the same light. But I don't blame him for my misery. I'd be lying if I say taht I don't pray and hope taht he'd feel the same way for me. I do. But I also pray that if he can't be happy with me, if his being with me will just make him miserable, then I'm going to accept the fact that we can never be. My only relief is that at least I got to know him. And I got know pure (?) love through him. Even with my heartache, I still thank God for him. I feel so blessed because only he can make me feel so happy. And every smile he gives me is worth the sadness that I feel. After all, I'm making my own misery. He never intended for me to be unhappy. Waah...mush, mush!!!

Oh well. I still believe mine prince is still out there. God is still making him perfect for me. And God is also making me the perfect princess for him. I'll just be waiting. In the words of my friend's text message: It's not sa bad being single. Kainis lang minsan.

Oh God! Let me stop now...I heard that too much mush can kill.


***I actually wrote this entry in my written journal last April 9. But everything that's written in here are still true up to now. Sigh. I really miss Hallel. Shit...I fell hard for the guy. 'Tis sad that he will never know...

Unusually Unhappy Day

I even wore this new shirt given to me by my officemate - it is a spalshed in a splendor of colors and I thought it's gonna do some good to my unusually down spirits. But no...here I am, in my tie-dyed colorful shirt, not having the energy to do anything.

Sigh.

A Lesson in Broadcasting

We've been taught in our TV performance classes that "less is more". This is especially pertaining to women delivering the news. If you have been observing our local women news anchors, you'll notice how garish some of them have become when it comes to their fashion sense. Some have taken to wearing loud colors and really big earrings that make the viewer pay more attention to their outfit rather than to the news that their delivering. And that's why in newscasting less is more.

It was sweet to actually read Ricky Lo's article (in Philippine Star) yesterday agreeing with the point I have just made. And it was made sweeter by the fact that articel was actually raving about my hero, Veronica Pedrosa. Here, read bits and parts of the article entitled Lessons in 'dressing down' from CNN's Veronica Pedrosa:

Lessons in 'dressing down' from CNN's Veronica Pedrosa
from: FUNFARE By Ricardo F. Lo
The Philippine Star 06/07/2005

I remember Veronica Pedrosa (Mrs. Mark James Phillips), CNN anchor person, everytime I watch (some) local newscasters who have the bad habit of wearing clothes in loud, attention-arresting color, complete with equally distracting accessories, and thus divert you from the news
they’re delivering.

At CNN, I remember Veronica saying in a previous interview, "We are trained to ‘dress down,’ with a minimum of accessories, so we won’t distract televiewers’ attention from what they are supposed to focus on – the news." In short, news anchors are there not to flaunt their fashion sense (although necessary, it has to be subdued) but their, well, nose for news.

The next time you watch local newscasts, check out who the "over-dressers" are and who the honest-to-goodness true/real deliverers of the news are. They’re easy to pick out. Try it.

A Non-Fictional Hero - At Last!!!

I've been ranting and raving about my heroes...and all of them appear to be characters out of books and movies. But this time, I'll actually be talking about a live person whom I've considered as an idol for the longest time. Her name's Veronica Pedrosa.

To those people who vacationed to Mars for the past 14 years, let me just inform you that Veronica Pedrosa was a former ABS-CBN reporter who moved to conquer CNN in the early 90's. She also worked for BBC but went back to CNN after a few months. She has been named Best News Anchor at the 2004 Asian Television Awards.

Pedrosa is living the life I want. She is the epitome of the person I want to be. And that is why I idolize her that much

"Sorta" Dream Job Goes Kaput

I didn't go to the job exam/interview for copy edotirs. Why?

See, this is the problem with the term copy editor. It may mean a lot of things. For a media person like me, a copy editor is someone who edits the copy. Let me explain further. In the advertising industry, a copy contains "The words to be printed or spoken in an advertisement." (definition courtesy of http://www.dictionary.com) But there are just some company that post copy editor on their job offerings and MassComm graduates tend to trip over themselves to get this job. And much to their dismay, it's not the job that they're looking for. Oh well...marami pa namang job opportunities diyan, aight? Just keep the faith. Yeh-bah!

Money vs. Dream

I'm working at a call canter. And honestly, I'm starting to love my work already - and yes, that's apart from the monetary gains my friends, believe it or not.

BUT (yes, there is a BIG but - that's a single T)...it's confusing that just when I'm starting to settle in to this work, opportunities in line with my course are pouring in. Just last week, I got an offer to be part of a writing pool for a voice company. No more interviews required...I'm just in. Good thing it's just a per-project work...sideline, which means I can still keep my call center work. Basically, I just have to be able to submit scripts whenever I'm required to do so...

Another BUT (still a single T - hehehe!)...I just got a text message this afternoon. I am scheduled for an exam tomorrow to take on a job as a copy editor. A copy editor!!! Not exactly that big a role, but one has to start somewhere, aight? And wouldn't it be nice..."Hi! I'm Karen. I'm a copy editor." Wow!

Oh well...we'll see what happens tomorrow...

NBA Fanatic (Part 3) - Miami Heat edition

O shit!!! Miami Heat lost today...Eastern Conference is now at 3-3. I believe in my Heat...but still, it makes me nervous. Waaah!!!

Hope Dwayne Wade is better next time...

NBA Fanatic (Part2)

I was so sad yesterday...the Phoenix Suns has finally given in to the glory that is the Spurs. So sad...

But then today is a happy day - and still NBA-related. Miami Heat leads the Eastern series at 3-1!!! Yey, yey!!! I'm so looking forward to seeing Shaq and Dwayne Wade (of course!) battle it out with Duncan and Ginobili in the Finals.

The countdown begins...

Hail the AMERICAN IDIOT

I was watching MYX the other day (yes, I'm a MYX viewer...I mean come on, when HBO and Star Movies and ETC and Jack TV fails you, its the best option available!) when I took notice of Green Day's American Idiot. I haven't really given a thought to the song - I'm not a fan of Green Day. But that particular day - maybe I was just bored to death - I became interested in the song's lyrics. Astig!!! Just read on...the song talks about being manipulated by the media. It's all about being molded into thinking in one mindset...a mindset created and patterned for us by the new media. It's astig for me because, as a broadcasting student, I know how much influence media has on the people. And media will ALWAYS, ALWAYS be the last one to own up to their huge effect on the people's decisions. And to have Green Day blatantly announce that "HEY PEOPLE, WE ARE MANIPULATED BY THE MEDIA" it's a refreshing thought. Ah basta, astig...

AMERICAN IDIOT

Green Day

Don't wanna be an American idiot.

Don't want a nation under the new media.

And can you hear the sound of hysteria?

The subliminal mindfuck America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.

All across the alien nation.

Everything isn't meant to be okay.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

Well that's enough to argue.

Well maybe I'm the faggot America.

I'm not a part of a redneck agenda.

Now everybody do the propaganda.

And sing along in the age of paranoia.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.

All across the alien nation.

Everything isn't meant to be okay.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

Well that's enough to argue.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.

One nation controlled by the media.

Information nation of hysteria.

It's going out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.

All across the alien nation.

Everything isn't meant to be okay.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

NBA Fanatic

If I didn't love Manu Ginobili, I'd curse him to death!!! Why? He's so fuckin' good...and he's undermining Phoenix Suns' chances of going to the finals. But HA HA...HAHAHA! Suns finally managed to up their chances...they won their first quarterfinal game today. *happy, happy* --> sana magtuloy-tuloy na!

Tomorrow, it's Miami Heats' turn to make my day. Hehe...

====

NBA Update: 31 May 2005

PHX 111
SA 106
Series at 3-1, Spurs leading

Unrequited Is A Bladed Word

This wasn't supposed to be my entry for today. But my friend gave me this really witty letter that made me smile and rethink my love patterns. Included in that letter is this poem by Eileen Tabios...tagos sa puso! Read on:


UNREQUITED IS A BLADED WORD
Eileen Tabios

Unrequited is owned and operated.
Unrequited is so much pretty than unwanted.
Unrequited is the moving story of a love that wasn't meant to be.
Unrequited is a crushing yoke; but if you see love as a game...

Unrequited is the worst state to be aware of.
Unrequited is a damp match at the worst possible time.
Unrequited is something that crops up in your songs.
Unrequited is all I see.

Unrequited is star.
Unrequited is a different story.
Unrequited is a tune that reminds me of time spent in Geneva.
Unrequited is a two part invention for piano.

Unrequited is an acute tension that worked Baudelaire to the bone.
Unrequited is a bladed word.
Unrequited is underscored with both rumbling bass baritones and lilting vocals.
Unrequited is quelled.

Unrequited is meltingly done.
Unrequited is my longing for a name I dare not say.
Unrequited is far more important than what is.
Unrequited is up to the gentle reader.

Unrequited is the saddest love of all.
Unrequited is not anulled simply by graciousness.
Unrequited is always worth cherishing.
Unrequited is not love.