If I didn't love Manu Ginobili, I'd curse him to death!!! Why? He's so fuckin' good...and he's undermining Phoenix Suns' chances of going to the finals. But HA HA...HAHAHA! Suns finally managed to up their chances...they won their first quarterfinal game today. *happy, happy* --> sana magtuloy-tuloy na!
Tomorrow, it's Miami Heats' turn to make my day. Hehe...
====
NBA Update: 31 May 2005
PHX 111
SA 106
Series at 3-1, Spurs leading
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Unrequited Is A Bladed Word
This wasn't supposed to be my entry for today. But my friend gave me this really witty letter that made me smile and rethink my love patterns. Included in that letter is this poem by Eileen Tabios...tagos sa puso! Read on:
UNREQUITED IS A BLADED WORD
Eileen Tabios
Unrequited is owned and operated.
Unrequited is so much pretty than unwanted.
Unrequited is the moving story of a love that wasn't meant to be.
Unrequited is a crushing yoke; but if you see love as a game...
Unrequited is the worst state to be aware of.
Unrequited is a damp match at the worst possible time.
Unrequited is something that crops up in your songs.
Unrequited is all I see.
Unrequited is star.
Unrequited is a different story.
Unrequited is a tune that reminds me of time spent in Geneva.
Unrequited is a two part invention for piano.
Unrequited is an acute tension that worked Baudelaire to the bone.
Unrequited is a bladed word.
Unrequited is underscored with both rumbling bass baritones and lilting vocals.
Unrequited is quelled.
Unrequited is meltingly done.
Unrequited is my longing for a name I dare not say.
Unrequited is far more important than what is.
Unrequited is up to the gentle reader.
Unrequited is the saddest love of all.
Unrequited is not anulled simply by graciousness.
Unrequited is always worth cherishing.
Unrequited is not love.
Friday, May 27, 2005
More Mush
BOY: I saw her today.
GIRL: I saw him today.
BOY: It seems like its been forever.
GIRL: I wonder if he still cares?
BOY: She looks better than before.
GIRL: I couldn't stop staring at him.
BOY: I asked her how things were going.
GIRL: I asked about his new girlfriend.
BOY: I'd choose her over any girl im with.
GIRL: He's probablly really happy right now.
BOY: I couldnt look at her without starting to cry.
GIRL: He couldnt even look at me.
BOY: I told her I miss her.
GIRL: He doesnt mean it.
BOY: I meant it.
GIRL: He didnt mean it.
BOY: I love her.
GIRL: He loves his new girlfriend.
BOY: I held her for the last time.
GIRL: He gave me a friendly hug.
BOY: Then I went home and cried.
GIRL: Then I went home and cried.
BOY: I lost her.
GIRL: I still love him.
========
At this very minute, someone is thinking of you. Someone cares about you. Someone misses you. Someone wants to hold your hand. Someone wants you to be happy. Someone wants to hug you. Someone will do anything for you. Someone needs to know your love is unconditional. Someone wants to tell you how much they care. Someone wants to stay up watching movies with you. Someone wants to hold you in their arms. Someone wants to see you. Someone wants to be your lover. Someone loves you for who you are. Someone loves the way you make them feel. Someone wants to be with you. Someone wants you to know they are there for you. Someone is glad that you're their friend. Someone is wishing you would notice them. Someone wants to get to know you better. Someone loves you.
========
Shit! I told you, I hate mush. But these things just reveal that I am such a liar! Hehe! I actually love reading these articles - makes me want to not be a cynic anymore. Makes me believe that indeed, "Someone loves you".
But reality proves otherwise...
Thanks, Rael!
Encouraging words from my friend Rael (message in my Friendster inbox):
you can't die because of the mrt. you are young.
and has a lot of things to do, such as earning lots of moola, bitching the
pedophile, hahaha, and more and more and more. believe me. ;)
Thursday, May 26, 2005
Still on American Idol: Constantine on Spotlight
As you may now have noticed, my favorite Idol this 4th season of American Idol is the Greek "god" Constantine Maroulis. Here's a lowdown on my...baby?
CONSTANTINE MAROULIS
Age: 29
Hometown: New York, NY
Audition City: Washington D.C.
What's in your CD player right now?
Pray For The Soul of Betty.
What's your favorite type of music?
Honest music.
((( interview )))
When did you first start singing?
Very young. Listened to great music in my house growing up. Nat King Cole to The Doors.
Do you have any formal singing training?
Boston Conservatory.
What other talents do you have?
Actor/writer.
If you don't make it on AMERICAN IDOL, what will you do?
Continue to write and rock.
What are your personal goals in life?
Have a family/have a long career/be happy.
What album would your friends be surprised you owned?
Like A Virgin.
Who is your AMERICAN IDOL?
My family.
Do you have any rituals or things you do each time before you perform?
Stretch/vocalize/think about the text.
Favorite male pop artist?
Jim Morrison.
Favorite female pop artist?
Janis Joplin.
Most embarassing moment?
While swinging my mic around at a gig with Betty (ala Roger Daltry) the mic went flying and smashed against the wall...no more mic.
What has been your proudest moment in life so far?
Not happened yet - I like to stay hungry.
If you couldn't sing, which talent would you most like to have?
Pro-athlete.
What is your definition of an AMERICAN IDOL?
Honest, hard-working, articulate, talented.
Who is your favorite judge and why?
My brother Athan. His opinion means the most to me.
What would people be surprised to learn about you?
Love sports...love to eat.
How has this changed your life?
People know me now.
Do you have any lucky charms?
My necklace from "Rent" I wear.
Who are your heroes in life?
My cousin "Gus" who died 9/11.
What have been your greatest obstacle in life?
Finding work...keeping work.
Do you think the audition process was fair?
Very fair and very intense. Lots of good people went home though.
If you win, who will you thank first?
My family! Then Betty. :)
*** source: http://www.idolonfox.com/contestants/constantine_maroulis/
More on American Idol
All 12 individuals (make that 13, re: Mario Vazquez and Nikko Smith) were really deserving to be in the show. They had the voice and the stage presence that totals to an American Idol. even Scott Savol, whom everyone (well almost everyone) criticized and wished to be axed early on in the competition, displayed amazing vocal talents.
I am now looking forward to the next season of American Idol. I hope they churn out a more talented batch so as fans can expect a more exciting fifth season. And oh, I'm also looking forward to seeing the next batch of weirdos who will audition for the next season!
American Idol Season4 Finale
Twelve talented individuals have battled it out. And in the end, it was Bo and Carrie down to the final showdown. And although Bo Bice was older and by far more experienced, Carrie Underwood went home as the Season 4's American Idol. I wished for that (well, after Constantine Maroulis' elimination)...she's young, she has a long way to go, and her voice is just awesome. When I watched her performance last night - especially the rendition of The Angels Brought Me Here - my heart just...broke. I felt the emotion. And that's what's amazing with Carrie. She can relay emotions through her singing. I'm so looking forward to her singing career. I hope she does well.
Song for...
Please bear with me...I'm in a kilig mode right now.
D'Sound
Maybe you'd soon
Forget about all
Or maybe you'll miss it like I do
But one thing's for sure
I'm all knocked out
Spent too much time thinking of you
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams
Don't wanna write
I don't wanna call
I would not know what to say
It should be you
That's how I want it to be
Tell me you feel the same way
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know that you're the dangerous kind
And your smile is tattooed on my mind
And I can't get you out of my dreams, oh
Oh yesterday
I was feeling safe
All I do today
Is trying to be brave
And no melody can seem to soothe my mind
Now I curse you for being
So sweet and so kind
And I can't get you out of my dreams
Now I know you're the dangerous kind
And your face is tattooed on my mind
'Cause I can't get you out of my dreams
Yes I know you're tattooed
On my mind you're tattooed
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Pedophile At Large!
I was walking towards the girls' comfort room at the 5th floor of the ELJ Building (ABS-CBN Compound) when I came face-to-face with a really cute guy - Mico Aytona of the Anim-e (a teenage dance group from ABS-CBN's infamous Star Magic). I have a massive crush on this guy...he's cute, he has a to-die-for smile, he has a heavenly singing voice (sigh!!!), he dances oh-so-wonderfully, and he's major HOT! Hehe...I'm crushing on a 16something-year-old BOY!!!(hence the label pedophile) I used to watch Spirits because of him (that's until said show's plot developed into a really wild and weird one - my love for Mico was not great enough to tolerate such a crazy and senseless(!) program). And I rooted for him when he competed and defended his title as ClashRoom Champ in ASAP Fanatic. Hehe...really love the guy! And now that I've seen him in person (looking so fresh...even after a possible workout - he came from Fitness First, eh), I can die now! Hahaha! Just kiddin'... (biggest regret: I should have kissed him all over the moment I saw him... ;p)
Blog Happy! (Part 2)
This is what happens when you are bored to death...you take happiness in answering quizzes posted at blogthings.com
Your #1 Love Type: INFP |
| The Idealist In love, you crave a long term, harmonious relationship.For you, sex doesn't come quickly - it takes time for you to open up. Overall, you are supportive, nurturing, and expressive.However, you tend to be shy and protective of your personal space. Best matches: ENFJ and ESFJ |
Your #2 Love Type: ENFP |
| The Inspirer In love, you are passionate and eager to develop a strong bond.For you, sex should be playful, creative, and affectionate. Overall, you are perceptive and bring out the best in your partner.However, you tend to hold on to bad relationships after they've turned bad. Best matches: INTJ and INFJ |
Your #3 Love Type: INFJ |
| The Protector In love, you strive to have the perfect relationship.For you, sex is nearly a spiritual experience, a bonding of souls. Overall, you have high expectations for any relationship you're in.However, you tend to hold back a part of yourself. Best matches: ENTP and ENFP |
Your #4 Love Type: INTP |
| The Thinker In love, you are honest and serious about commitment.For you, sex is something you think about and desire a lot of the time. Overall, you are pure in your affection and feelings.However, you tend to be suspicious and distrusting at times. Best matches: ENTJ and ESTJ |
Your #5 Love Type: ENFJ |
| The Giver In love, you give your all and feel guilty when relationships fail.For you, sex is not seperate from love and caring. Overall, you are humorous, giving, and motivational.However, you tend to be over-protective and critical of your partner. Best matches: INFP or ISFP |
Blog Happy!
***stumbled upon this entry in one of my friend's blog. it's so beautiful.
for whatever it's worth
i just realized that forever is just as good as a moment's passing.
whenever a man promises a girl forever, he actually does not understand what that means. for a person can only have a glimpse of tomorrow for so much.
but it doesn't mean also that the guy is lying. or just flattering the girl. or stealing a line from some youth-oriented programs.
because at that moment, he does feel forever. he feels he has the power to extend that period in time to infinity. even further.
he feels it. and at that moment, amidst irrational logic, emotion and behavior, he can extend it to forever. and he will.
forever is when love longs to go back to its source. it is when love approximates the highest and greatest power in the universe. it is when you feel and see God, through the eyes of another person, however brief that moment is.
that is love. that is forever.
what ever that means. for what ever it's worth...
for whatever it's worth
i just realized that forever is just as good as a moment's passing.
whenever a man promises a girl forever, he actually does not understand what that means. for a person can only have a glimpse of tomorrow for so much.
but it doesn't mean also that the guy is lying. or just flattering the girl. or stealing a line from some youth-oriented programs.
because at that moment, he does feel forever. he feels he has the power to extend that period in time to infinity. even further.
he feels it. and at that moment, amidst irrational logic, emotion and behavior, he can extend it to forever. and he will.
forever is when love longs to go back to its source. it is when love approximates the highest and greatest power in the universe. it is when you feel and see God, through the eyes of another person, however brief that moment is.
that is love. that is forever.
what ever that means. for what ever it's worth...
Crazy Over Vartan
Watched Never Been Kissed yesterday...one of my most favorite movies ever. It's such a sweet movie. And Josie's first kiss with Sam Coulson never fails to make me cry.
Speaking of Sam Coulson. I'm gaa over him. Well, not actually him but the guy who plays him, re: Michael Vartan. Sigh. Cutie. Let me bask in his handsome glory...
Speaking of Sam Coulson. I'm gaa over him. Well, not actually him but the guy who plays him, re: Michael Vartan. Sigh. Cutie. Let me bask in his handsome glory...
MICHAEL VARTAN
Birthdate: November 27, 1968
Birthplace: Paris, France
Occupation: Actor
Father: Eddie Vartan
French jazz musician; remarried; died in 2001
Mother: Doris Vartan-LaFrenaise
American; parents split when Vartan was five; remarried
Half-brother: Nicholas Vartan
born to father's second wife
Aunt: Sylvie Vartan
French singer and actress
Step-father: Ian LaFrenais
British comedy writer; wrote The Commitments; married Vartan's mother in 1984
Factoids:
Moved to Los Angeles with mother at age 18
Began studying acting as a way to meet people
Considered becoming a professional pool playerLived in France until he was 18
Left school at age 16
Movies:
Monster-in-Law (2005)
One Hour Photo (2002)
The Next Best Thing (2000)
It Had To Be You (2000)
Never Been Kissed (1999)
Dead Man's Curve (1998)
The Curve (1998)
The Myth of Fingerprints (1997)
Touch Me (1997)
The Pallbearer (1996)
Fiorile (1993)
"About five years ago, I made a conscious decision to take acting seriously. It's not an easy job, That's why I decided to stick to projects I really love because if the job's going to be hard, at least I'm going to do something I love. If you hate what you're doing and, on top of that, it's hard, that's not good."
--Scene, May 1996
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
Sleepy at 11:45p.m.
This may not come as a surprise as it really is an unholy hour, and people are supposed to be lying in their beds already and preparing for a journey to dreamland (or is already journeying that land). But then this does not apply to people like me - people who work at call centers and given an unholy shift (read: 10p.m. -6a.m.). We've been on this shift for 2 and 1/2 weeks now but my system has not adjusted to it yet...at least not this day. I've been out to attend the wake of the father of my friend. Thus, sleep was scant for this day.
But even so, the day is not a sorry one. I finally got to meet up with my high school barkada - I haven't seen them for half a year now! It's just a sad thing that we have to reunite because of the death of a father. =( Anyways, given the sad, sad situation, we were still our usual maingay selves. We were still happily and excitedly (!) talking about our "non-existent" love lives (we are still on a running bet as to whom among us is going to get hooked up first - imagine...all 21 and single SINCE BIRTH --- except for lovely Kistna...but she's single now). And we were still our usual giddy selves - even me...who's clamoring for sleep! sleep! sleep! But when I was with them, I just forgot about my sleepiness! It was just so nice to be reunited with them. They are really one (err, five?) of the truest friends I have. It's like when I'm with them, it feels so right. It feels home. Err...love life? Hahaha!!! But really, whenever I talk to them (doesn't matter who...this sweeps them 5) I feel at ease. And I just can't wait for our next get-together (possibly 40 days after the death of my friend's father). Yey!
But one thing I noted about today's gathering is that we have all grown up (dapat lang, 'di ba? Hehehe!). Instead of blabbering about schoolwork stuff and complaining about assignments and deadlines, we are now chatting about WORK. And there is a certain maturity about us now. Yes, still giddy and giggly...but the content of our words are now wrapped with knowledge that comes with age. Hahaha...I sound like we're now all in our 50's! But anyways, you get my point (or do you? Hehe!).
Anyway...have to end this entry now. We have a guy from Microsoft coming in to give us some pep talk. Hope it wakes me up!
But even so, the day is not a sorry one. I finally got to meet up with my high school barkada - I haven't seen them for half a year now! It's just a sad thing that we have to reunite because of the death of a father. =( Anyways, given the sad, sad situation, we were still our usual maingay selves. We were still happily and excitedly (!) talking about our "non-existent" love lives (we are still on a running bet as to whom among us is going to get hooked up first - imagine...all 21 and single SINCE BIRTH --- except for lovely Kistna...but she's single now). And we were still our usual giddy selves - even me...who's clamoring for sleep! sleep! sleep! But when I was with them, I just forgot about my sleepiness! It was just so nice to be reunited with them. They are really one (err, five?) of the truest friends I have. It's like when I'm with them, it feels so right. It feels home. Err...love life? Hahaha!!! But really, whenever I talk to them (doesn't matter who...this sweeps them 5) I feel at ease. And I just can't wait for our next get-together (possibly 40 days after the death of my friend's father). Yey!
But one thing I noted about today's gathering is that we have all grown up (dapat lang, 'di ba? Hehehe!). Instead of blabbering about schoolwork stuff and complaining about assignments and deadlines, we are now chatting about WORK. And there is a certain maturity about us now. Yes, still giddy and giggly...but the content of our words are now wrapped with knowledge that comes with age. Hahaha...I sound like we're now all in our 50's! But anyways, you get my point (or do you? Hehe!).
Anyway...have to end this entry now. We have a guy from Microsoft coming in to give us some pep talk. Hope it wakes me up!
Forgetting About Jay
***What the ----! I don't care anymore who reads this entry. Even if it's the two people involved. I don't care....really.
As Pablo Neruda said, Love is so short, forgetting is so long. Although what I felt for Jay can hardly be qualified as love (duh!?!?), still forgetting him is hard. Yuck, cheesy...but hey! Try having him around you for six straight hours and see if it makes the task easier!
A certain workmate complains about my falling for him (FYI, he's the guy I was talking about in my "Dying With Jealousy" entry). Says that this certain "accident" flushes all their efforts down the drain. A little back story...
The stupid one that I was, I confessed that I was crushing on Jay (I didn't exactly blurt it out as if I was in kindergarten...it was supposed to be a secret...but...LONG STORY). Jay, the conceited one that he was (!), took this confession to heart. Well, he asked me (in my drunken state...whoo, boy!) - whether it was meant as a joke or not, I can never tell now - "Karen, do you wanna lose your virginity to me?" I was offended - with his words but not with him. And yes, everybody who was present was also offended. Including this particular workmate. And so the next day, she (yes, she's a she) gave him a piece of her mind. Then yada, yada...he ended up not talking to me. Honestly, I was hurt. And thus began my long journey along the paths of jealousy (he began getting close to this girl...who is very nice...but whom I've started to resent...oh, bad, bad, bad!!! Really, I like this girl...I just don't like her when we're talking in the context of Jay. Arrrgh!!!!).
But hey, no matter how hard forgetting seem to be one still needs to get there. And I can now honestly say - for the first time in the past week - that I'm starting to tread that painful yet worthy path of forgetting...
Jay...
As Pablo Neruda said, Love is so short, forgetting is so long. Although what I felt for Jay can hardly be qualified as love (duh!?!?), still forgetting him is hard. Yuck, cheesy...but hey! Try having him around you for six straight hours and see if it makes the task easier!
A certain workmate complains about my falling for him (FYI, he's the guy I was talking about in my "Dying With Jealousy" entry). Says that this certain "accident" flushes all their efforts down the drain. A little back story...
The stupid one that I was, I confessed that I was crushing on Jay (I didn't exactly blurt it out as if I was in kindergarten...it was supposed to be a secret...but...LONG STORY). Jay, the conceited one that he was (!), took this confession to heart. Well, he asked me (in my drunken state...whoo, boy!) - whether it was meant as a joke or not, I can never tell now - "Karen, do you wanna lose your virginity to me?" I was offended - with his words but not with him. And yes, everybody who was present was also offended. Including this particular workmate. And so the next day, she (yes, she's a she) gave him a piece of her mind. Then yada, yada...he ended up not talking to me. Honestly, I was hurt. And thus began my long journey along the paths of jealousy (he began getting close to this girl...who is very nice...but whom I've started to resent...oh, bad, bad, bad!!! Really, I like this girl...I just don't like her when we're talking in the context of Jay. Arrrgh!!!!).
But hey, no matter how hard forgetting seem to be one still needs to get there. And I can now honestly say - for the first time in the past week - that I'm starting to tread that painful yet worthy path of forgetting...
Jay...
Keys To My Heart
The Keys to Your Heart |
| You are attracted to those who have a split personality - cold as ice on the outside but hot as fire in the heart. |
| In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. |
| You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. |
| You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please. |
| Your ideal relationship is comforting. You crave a relationship where you always feel warmth and love. |
| Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. |
| You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. |
| In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted. |
The Bass: My Newest Nemesis
I am in love...and have been for the past three months now. And this time, I know it's for real. But no, I'm not with this guy. We're just good friends. But I'm constantly thinking of him....blah, blah, blah...let's skip that part. I'm in love with him. Period.
See...I have a mean jealous streak. And I've been dealing with my jealousy over all his other girls these past three months now. Yeah, yeah...I have no right whatsoever to be jealous...but I can't help it!!! Why does he have to be so pleasantly sweet?!? He's the kind of person who'd get close to you and make you feel loved...you can't help but fall for him. And he doesn't intend for you to fall for him. Stupid me...I fell for him. Aaarrrgh! Here's a description of him (stolen from his Friendster testimonial...hope he never trips upon this blog!!!): Daming girlalu ang nalilink s knya because he has dat charisma of a "gentleman" dat could move a girl's heart na di alam na ganun talaga si adan...he (without thinking?) could make someone feels special kasi...
Am I just one of those many girls who fell victim to his irresistable charms? Or am I the love he's been waiting in vain for all these years? Eurrgh...cheesy!!!
But hey, I just found out that my biggest rival is not actually a girl...but the bass guitar! From what I understand, this guy I'm crunching on is so into his bass guitar! Read his "About Me" in his Friendster profile (oh, I'm so praying right now that he never finds out about this blog!!!): the bass guitar is a four stringed instrument that has a low tone. it is very appealing to those who like dark and gloomy sounds as well as to those who think that guitar players are over rated. the bass is the most under rated instrument there is. it is often overlooked and ignored by people who think they love music, in reality, they don't. the bass along with the drums are important to give the song its rythm. without rythm, music will be a body without its soul. it will be like meat without salt or any seasoning. more importantly, music without rythm will sound like...
Another proof of his bass-obsession (from another testimonial): ang knyang one n only luv ay ang kanyang bass.. hehe.. nd mo pedeng anuhin ung bass nia.
Waah!!! Where do I fit in then?
Maybe nowhere...
See...I have a mean jealous streak. And I've been dealing with my jealousy over all his other girls these past three months now. Yeah, yeah...I have no right whatsoever to be jealous...but I can't help it!!! Why does he have to be so pleasantly sweet?!? He's the kind of person who'd get close to you and make you feel loved...you can't help but fall for him. And he doesn't intend for you to fall for him. Stupid me...I fell for him. Aaarrrgh! Here's a description of him (stolen from his Friendster testimonial...hope he never trips upon this blog!!!): Daming girlalu ang nalilink s knya because he has dat charisma of a "gentleman" dat could move a girl's heart na di alam na ganun talaga si adan...he (without thinking?) could make someone feels special kasi...
Am I just one of those many girls who fell victim to his irresistable charms? Or am I the love he's been waiting in vain for all these years? Eurrgh...cheesy!!!
But hey, I just found out that my biggest rival is not actually a girl...but the bass guitar! From what I understand, this guy I'm crunching on is so into his bass guitar! Read his "About Me" in his Friendster profile (oh, I'm so praying right now that he never finds out about this blog!!!): the bass guitar is a four stringed instrument that has a low tone. it is very appealing to those who like dark and gloomy sounds as well as to those who think that guitar players are over rated. the bass is the most under rated instrument there is. it is often overlooked and ignored by people who think they love music, in reality, they don't. the bass along with the drums are important to give the song its rythm. without rythm, music will be a body without its soul. it will be like meat without salt or any seasoning. more importantly, music without rythm will sound like...
Another proof of his bass-obsession (from another testimonial): ang knyang one n only luv ay ang kanyang bass.. hehe.. nd mo pedeng anuhin ung bass nia.
Waah!!! Where do I fit in then?
Maybe nowhere...
Your True Birth Month
| Your True Birth Month Is December |
 Logical Patriotic Ambitious Not egoistic Loves praise Loves to joke Fun to be with Not pretending Loves attention Short tempered Hates restrictions Loves to socialize Loves to be loved Loyal and generous Impatient and hasty Changing personality Good sense of humor Honest and trustworthy Influential in organizations Takes high pride in oneself Active in games and interactions |
Hmm...interesting. My true birth month is December? If you really want to know, I was born in October. I wonder...what will make me an Octoberian?
Monday, May 23, 2005
The Original 1st Post (Part2)
Scarlett and I also have similarities when it comes to love patterns. In Rhett Butler's harsh words (I'm so sorry to the people who can't relate...better read or watch Gone With the Wind first...nyehehe!!!): "I loved you but I couldn't let you know it. you're so brutal to those who love you, Scarlett. You take their love and hold it over their heads like a whip." This is what I meant when I said I was unloveable...I take the people who love me for granted . I'm as mean as Scarlett is...and I keep on missing the Rhet Butlers in my life. I'm as stubborn as Scarlett. I blot out the Rhett Butlers who truly love me and focus only on the Ashley Wilkes whom I love with passion but whom doesn't love me for who I truly am. And the stupid thing is, I actually know this for a fact...yet I haven't done anything about it, haven't done anything to change it. Yes...STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!!!
The Original 1st Post
(originally posted on http://hailiedies.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/ last 20 May 2005, 8:24 p.m.)
*** this was supposed to be the first post in this journal...but shit happened (re: BOOOORING product training) and my first entry came two days earlier...
"If you were a fictional character, who would you be?"
This was a favorite icebreaker for one of my college teachers. All of us enjoyed answering this question - but I most especially did. See, I always saw my life in relation to the books I read and the movies and TV programs that I watch. Whatever the topic of the book or visual media is, there will always be a character that I can relate to.
So how did I answer this question? The answer was almost instant. Scarlett O'Hara. I am addicted to Scarlett O'Hara. I eat, breathe, sleep Scarlett.Scarlett is I and I am Scarlett (how Wuthering Heights!).
*** this was supposed to be the first post in this journal...but shit happened (re: BOOOORING product training) and my first entry came two days earlier...
"If you were a fictional character, who would you be?"
This was a favorite icebreaker for one of my college teachers. All of us enjoyed answering this question - but I most especially did. See, I always saw my life in relation to the books I read and the movies and TV programs that I watch. Whatever the topic of the book or visual media is, there will always be a character that I can relate to.
So how did I answer this question? The answer was almost instant. Scarlett O'Hara. I am addicted to Scarlett O'Hara. I eat, breathe, sleep Scarlett.Scarlett is I and I am Scarlett (how Wuthering Heights!).
Dying with Jealousy
(originally posted http://hailiedies.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/ last 19 May 2005, 1:12 a.m.)
Why do I always have to be the first one to fall? I'm not saying I've already fallen for him...but I'm startin' to...aaarggh!!! How can that happen?!?!
It pains me to see him so near yet I can't even talk to him. Why doesn't he talk to me?
Quote: (from my written journal 12May2005) I love it when he smiles at me.And I love it when I make him smile. I like the way the sides of his eyes creases when he smiles. It makes him look so cute...I just love his smile." Sigh...I'll never make him smile again. And he'll never smile at me again.And when I see him smile, it will never be for me anymore. Shit...I hate mushiness yet I'm being overly mushy here. I HAVE TO STOP!!!
END NOTE: I'll talk more about this particular guy in my next entries...just so hard to make a post when you're in a training class..hehe!!! But I really need to make this entry...the class is killing me with boredom. And him smiling at somebody else is killing me with jealousy. Aarrgh...back to serious mode...
Why do I always have to be the first one to fall? I'm not saying I've already fallen for him...but I'm startin' to...aaarggh!!! How can that happen?!?!
It pains me to see him so near yet I can't even talk to him. Why doesn't he talk to me?
Quote: (from my written journal 12May2005) I love it when he smiles at me.And I love it when I make him smile. I like the way the sides of his eyes creases when he smiles. It makes him look so cute...I just love his smile." Sigh...I'll never make him smile again. And he'll never smile at me again.And when I see him smile, it will never be for me anymore. Shit...I hate mushiness yet I'm being overly mushy here. I HAVE TO STOP!!!
END NOTE: I'll talk more about this particular guy in my next entries...just so hard to make a post when you're in a training class..hehe!!! But I really need to make this entry...the class is killing me with boredom. And him smiling at somebody else is killing me with jealousy. Aarrgh...back to serious mode...
Unloveable
(originally posted on http://hailiedies.blogs.friendster.com/my_blog/ last 19 May 2005, 12:06a.m.)
It's never worth to try and love me. And no...it's not because I'm cynic. It's just that I'm...unloveable.
Many have tried to get close to me and be more than just my friend. But I'm a tease...I can bat my not-so-beautiful eyelashes at you and smile coyly. And with my revealing tops and skirts, lure you into my pretend world of "ka-diyosahan"...but once you're in, I turn to ice. Yes people of the world...I'm a bad, bad girl. but I don't mean to be one.
I'm a mushy person, pretending that she's not. I love romantic stories. I react to them with a passion. I cried to Josie's first kiss in Never Been Kissed. I wished I can be Kat of 10 Things I Hate About You so I can write poetries and my object of affection will sweep me off my feet with a nice, cool guitar. And how many times have I prayed that I can, even for just a day, be Jamie Sullivan of A Walk To Remember so that Landon can hug me and whisper, "Oh baby that will never happen." Sigh. Thinking about these things turns me into a softie. They make me believe that hey, true love does exist. They make me believe that I am a princess waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet. But why is it that when I'm thrown into the real world, everything turns gray.
Makes me wonder...am I really cut to be a princess? Maybe. Maybe not. And maybe my prince has approached me already and then realized that hey...I'm just a frog in pretty dresses. Good to look at but slimy to behold. Oh well...more on this issue on my next post. My quality trainer (at this call center I'm working with) is droning on and on about an important topic and I mustn't miss it...
END NOTE: It's really hard to keep on believing that love is a magical thing...
It's never worth to try and love me. And no...it's not because I'm cynic. It's just that I'm...unloveable.
Many have tried to get close to me and be more than just my friend. But I'm a tease...I can bat my not-so-beautiful eyelashes at you and smile coyly. And with my revealing tops and skirts, lure you into my pretend world of "ka-diyosahan"...but once you're in, I turn to ice. Yes people of the world...I'm a bad, bad girl. but I don't mean to be one.
I'm a mushy person, pretending that she's not. I love romantic stories. I react to them with a passion. I cried to Josie's first kiss in Never Been Kissed. I wished I can be Kat of 10 Things I Hate About You so I can write poetries and my object of affection will sweep me off my feet with a nice, cool guitar. And how many times have I prayed that I can, even for just a day, be Jamie Sullivan of A Walk To Remember so that Landon can hug me and whisper, "Oh baby that will never happen." Sigh. Thinking about these things turns me into a softie. They make me believe that hey, true love does exist. They make me believe that I am a princess waiting for her prince charming to sweep her off her feet. But why is it that when I'm thrown into the real world, everything turns gray.
Makes me wonder...am I really cut to be a princess? Maybe. Maybe not. And maybe my prince has approached me already and then realized that hey...I'm just a frog in pretty dresses. Good to look at but slimy to behold. Oh well...more on this issue on my next post. My quality trainer (at this call center I'm working with) is droning on and on about an important topic and I mustn't miss it...
END NOTE: It's really hard to keep on believing that love is a magical thing...
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