Monday, November 28, 2005

FINALLY...I am Back!!!

Long hiatus from the blogging world.

Gawd...I can't believe how much I missed my blog! Been wanting to change the skin. This one is just so...sad. And so, passe. I'm not feeling *depressed* anymore. Aargh...it's so mushy. Mushy! But alas, I still haven't got time to update skin. But I'm sooo itching to post a new entry.
Anyways, updates...

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Office matters. I'm quitting my job by December 30. For a lot of reasons. The biggest of which is the fact that I'm totally bored with it already. I feel that I'm d.r.a.g.g.i.n.g. myself everytime I have to go to work. Gone are the days when I wake up and go, "Hey! Another work day! Aja!!!" Now I'm just, "Work? Again?! NOOOO!!!" And I don't feel good about it. Because it's not just the boredom. It's also because I started to question why I have to work. And the only answer I can come up with is, "Because of the money." But money is not all that counts in a job. I keep on looking for the *purpose* of why I have to slave over them f-cking customers. At the end of the day, I feel drained. And I long the sense of feeling fulfilled everytime I rest my tired eyes to sleep. And thus, the decision to resign...
But believe me, it was easy. For my part. But everytime I think of my sister and my brother and my mom and the expenses that lie ahead, I feel my resolve crumbling to pieces. But I have to do this for myself. I don't want to get caught up in a situation where I always feel that I'm in the losing end. Because if I don't leave the job now, I know I'll regret it in the future.
Besides, I've decided that it's high time to finish my thesis...
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Yes, thesis. I've finally realized that hey...KAILANGAN TAPUSIN KO NA ANG THESIS KO!!! Good for me...pat in the back. Haha!
When I started to go solo for the thesis I had Eminem in my mind as the topic for my college research. Creation of an idol. That was how I wanted to attack it. But somehow, the idea was floating. I was never sure of when and where to start the study.
But now I've decided on a topic. A topic also dear to my heart. And a topic I was deadset on pinning for my thesis. Korean dramas. Haha! I'll keep mum about this muna. I don't wanna jinx it. Wish me luck!
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Speaking of Koreans. I got hired as an English teacher for Koreans last week. I submitted my resume and toom the long yet easy (puwera pagyayabang!) exam last November 16. Then I was scheduled for interview last November 21. They accepted me right then and there! I was pleased becase (caution: major gloating coming ahead) the Korean bosses told me that they only accept college graduates but they made an axception for me...I was, as they put it, a "special cse" because I got the highest score among the new hires. ANd so I started training the next day - deadset on keeping two jobs for the next month.
But I failed.
Because on the second day of training, I was informed that I needed to cover 8a.m. to 12nn classes...which will totally clash with my call center work. And I can't just quit the call center. I had to render a 30-day notice. Bummer! I really wanted the job. Not needed. Wanted. And I was so sad to have to give it up. But I'll be back once my thesis is complete.
Sigh.
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"It's called CLOSURE. That's what I'm looking for with him. It's hard when you've considered someone as special. Then one day you realize, he doesn't want you in his life anymore. And no matter what you do he's never gonna let you in again. And you can't help but wonder, 'Why?' And you can't move on, no matter how hard you try...because that question always, ALWAYS, pulls you back."
A text message to a friend at around 3p.m., November 25. It was nothing. Just a thought trigerred by an irrational longing for Charles. yes...Charles. It's just that recently, I seem to be missing him more and more. And I know that I'm wandering a one-way street yet again.
And maybe it's not him. Maybe it's that occasional need to feel loved.
I need to be loved.
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Anyway, let's leave the drama behind and go to that fun event that happened which was, ironically, brought about by that super-senti text message.
Finally managed to meet up with Mae Anne for coffee. Starbucks ABS-CBN, same day, 8p.m. Naknam----! Nagpi-pink na si Marie Ann! Haha! I missed that girl. Everything - yes, including the nonsensical irrational though regarding Charles - makes sense when I talk to her. It's like - borrowing a line from Abi Aquino's Drama Queen - I was reading a book in hte dark then she walks in, turns on the light, and I realize, "Hey, why didn't I think of that?" Hay naku Marie Ann...hindi ka na puwede mawala sa buhay ko! *** charing ***
Also, we got to discuss our plans of setting-up our own business in the future: we're going to be wedding planners! We're both excited. We've had this dream since last year. And I can't wait. Research, research...I'll keep my lips sealed muna about the business' hook. Somebody just might steal it. Haha!
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BTW, speaking of missing friends...I miss Val! So much! Realized this on the same night I met with Mae Anne...Val joined us at around 10p.m. As I've told Mae Anne, I love Val so much because she's so damn mature, and composed. When she gives me an advice, I just have to believe her! Hehe!
So Val, when our next 'one beer'? =p
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Going to another chika...
I have this huge crush on an officemate. I had a crush on him fo err, 6months? But it was just frou-frou. But I think I'm starting to really like him. But...uhm...
'Nuff said.